Ahoy, Mateys!
‘Tis the season. The season when ye sail around like a fish with its fin cut off ‘cause yer tryin’ to find the perfect presents for yer pirates (or yerself). Yer marauding high and low hoping for that perfect loot. Fear not, the Cap’n is here to help ye find that perfect gift for all things beard-related.
Let’s start with what NOT to buy. After all, yer a pirate, not an easily hoodwinked landlubber… aaaaand here comes the Cap’n’s favorite rant about beard shampoos. (Yeah, you’ve probably heard it before.) Way too many pirates still get ripped off on overpriced so-called beard shampoos. Swashbuckler, don’t fall for fancy bottles with “specially formulated for the beard” written on it. The best thing ye can do for yer beard is to use baby shampoo. It’s the gentlest shampoo ye can get – and ye can get it for a buck at a dollar store.
Now, let’s talk about things you SHOULD consider ‘cause they make worthwhile gifts for that special beard in yer life. The Cap’n assumes ye already know how awesome Blackbeard for Men is, otherwise ye wouldn’t be here. So there’s no need in wasting ink on the Cap’n’s favorite beard product.
What other beard presents can ye send in yer Christmas message in a bottle?
- Beard Trimmers: Always a good gift for the bearded pirate. Of course, the question arises which is the best beard trimmer to get. Fear not, mighty buccaneer, the Cap’n wrote an entire blog scroll about that same topic, which ye can find right here: https://bbfm.webbyspice.com/beard-trimmers/
- Mustache Combs: It’s a handy little tool for the debonair pirate, which he can carry in his pocket (right next to his cutlass). Want a well-groomed mustache? Get a comb. And, please, my mate, not plastic. Ye wanna be a classy pirate that handle better be made of wood.
- Razors: Ye need to trim and shape yer best asset; hence, ye need a razor. Of course, finding the right one can be a bit difficult with so many options and what not. Here’s a quick rundown of yer options: If yer always pressed for time and a bit clumsy, yer best option is the electric shaver. If ye want a nice, clean shave without the skin irritation, go with a safety razor – ye know, the double-edged kind. Ye want a really close shave? Then, matey, the cartridge razor is for you. That’s the one also known as a disposable razor. And, last, but not least, the straight razor. It’s the razor a real barber uses. The razor yer father and yer grandfather used. When it comes to a close shave nothing beats the good ole straight razor.
- Beard T-Shirts: Ye can find them everywhere with slogans like “Real Men Have Beards,” “It’s Not a Beard. It’s Awesomeness Escaping out of my Face,” and (possibly the Cap’n’s favorite) “I Find Your Lack of Beard Disturbing.” Ye can also get all of those as coffee (or, in the Cap’n’s case, rum) mugs.
- Mirrors: So many swashbucklers don’t seem to think of the obvious choice. Beards are awesome. Being able to admire your own beard is one of the many perks of being a bearded pirate. A handheld mirror is the perfect accoutrement for a pirate’s back pocket
- Beard Admiration: There can never be enough. Did ye know that there’s even a band – The Beards – who make music exclusively celebrating the beard. Needless to say, they all have beards. What better gift than music celebrating your best asset?
- Beardaments: Yes, mateys, they are exactly what they sound like: Christmas ornaments for the beard. Why not decorate yer beard in the same way yer decorating yer tree. (Yer Christmas tree, matey. Not the other one. Don’t wanna go there.)
Hope that helps in yer shopping spree. We’re always here for ye, matey. Feel free to shoot us an email any time.
The Cap’n and his crew would like to wish you very happy holidays and an awesome New Year!
Cheers,
The Cap’n
